just change it

i watched + listened as jennifer hudson said these words a few months ago on my most favorite {and now over!} tv show, oprah. j hud spoke these words with such conviction. and passion. and determination. i felt every bit of her truth coming through as she spoke. and it ignited a spark inside of me. to just change it. to change the things i don’t like. about myself. the outside me that i don’t even recognize. the stranger that looks back at me in the mirror. it is time to say goodbye to her. and find my true self again. the strong and confident me. she is ready to come back. and i’m ready to say hello to her again. oh how i miss her!

so i’m going to just change things by taking little steps. that will lead to big changes. and a better me.

hello gym. the place i used to have to drag myself to so i could work out to lose weight. and beat myself up when that didn’t happen. well, it is not that place of dread anymore. just a simple shift in my thinking about why i’m going there. to get some “me” time. space for my head to stop spinning. to not have to answer to the sweet, yet spirited call of “mommy” every few minutes. time for me to think about nothing at all. to just let go and relax. to not plan my grocery shopping trip or think about my endless to-do list. time to listen to music that makes me smile. and sing. {even if it is only in my head.}

and whatever will i do at the gym? well, run. on a treadmill. now this is a big deal for me. a really big deal. you see, i’m not a runner. never have been. ever. in my whole life. but the overwhelming need for calm and peace and release of stress has lead me to a place of wanting to run. i tried running a few months ago. planned out some time to take a jog in our neighborhood with mark and the boys. just to try it out. and to my complete surprise, i loved it. i felt great. it was invigorating. and i didn’t die right there on the sidewalk like i thought would happen. but there were a thousand and one reasons why i didn’t keep running. the south florida heat, my fear of dogs {yep, paralyzing for me}, crazy, busy life… the bottom line is that it was just not the right time for me to commit to making a change. but now it is the right time. and thanks to my good friend, sherry, i found the best beginner running plan called couch-to-5k. it literally takes you off the couch and onto a treadmill or the great outdoors. one day at a time. with a plan. so you don’t get burned out or injured. i even found the c25k app for my iphone. two words: life. changing.  {they have this app for androids too.} so i took the boys to the child care center at the gym, hopped on a treadmill and started week 1 day 1. the journey begins…

there will be bumps along the way for sure. a big one already is that tate is going through quite an adjustment with me leaving him even for one second at the child care center. he has never been away from me. and i’ve never been away from him. we are both broken hearted over this new road. and we both ended up in tears on day one. he was a bit louder about his unhappiness. i was so torn up on the inside. that mommy guilt that just never goes away. but i know that i’ll be a better mom if i can just get some time for me in my day. i’ll be more patient and present. for all of us. thankfully quinn was totally fine with me leaving him for 30 minutes. he had a blast. i know tate will adjust. and we will all find a new normal. a better normal. i’m sure of it.

so if you don’t like something in your life, just change it. you have the power to create anything you want. what do you want? go make it happen… and let me know if you want to join me in the c25k running plan!

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Liza - I always love your posts Tracy!

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