i believe in fairy tales…

 

i have always been the girl who believes in fairy tales. happy endings. big dreams coming true. the glass being half full. always seeing the bright side. giving the benefit of the doubt. yep, optimism is my middle name. naive at times? perhaps. but i like it that way. seeing the good in everything sure beats being dark and twisty (hello grey’s anatomy fans) any day of the week. and i’m starting to realize that being positive deep within my authentic soul has allowed that positive energy to flow right back to me.

i remember so clearly having no limits on my dreams when i was a kid. i wanted to be a country music singer. why not? did it matter that i couldn’t sing a note? nope. all that i knew was how much i loved country music. {still do.} and singing along with the radio. it had nothing to do with the fame or the money. i just wanted to sing. because it made me happy. that was back when i was young. and didn’t care what anyone else thought about me. or my dreams. my thoughts, actions and desires were genuinely mine. no one elses opinion or criticism really mattered to me. in a way i was being blissfully ignorant. and it was so great. i continued living that way. and it brought really good things into my life. not the country music singing career that i had once dreamed about. but really amazing things. and in bigger + better ways than i could ever have imagined.  the ability to see the positive, live fearlessly, never being afraid to ask “why not?” and really not minding what other people think has brought so much good into my life.

there have been times when the world around me and peer pressure got the best of me. i started putting labels and limits on my dreams. i saw dead end roads instead of wide open spaces and possibilities. i began to worry about what other’s would think or say. and i let that fear change my thoughts, my intentions and my life’s direction. i tried to gain control of my life by micro-managing everything. and losing my mind if things did not happen the way i had planned. i was white knuckling my life. grasping onto the way i thought it should be. and fighting against anything that didn’t happen my way. i was losing myself. i was becoming a person that i didn’t even know. or like very much. where did that invincible, fairy tale loving girl go? she was slipping away like sand trickling between my fingers…

i needed to calm down. relax. trust. let go. breathe. just like in yoga, when you fight against a pose, it becomes harder. the more your body says ouch, the more your mind expects pain. then your body tenses up even more. so the pose hurts. and you cannot go any deeper into the pose. and you cannot be present in the pose. because all you can think about is the pain. the pain that you are creating. in your mind. it is all in your mind. but if you simply relax into the pose. and stop fighting the pain. instead, breathe into the pain. exhale. and let go of the tension. in your mind. and in your body. i have experienced amazing things happen when i did this. i physically went further into a pose than i had ever thought possible. and more surprising than anything is that it felt so good. and all the “i am not flexible”, “i can’t touch my toes” and “i could never do that pose” thoughts go flying out of the window. and out of my head. replaced instead by feeling strong. powerful. capable. good enough. proud. and alive.

getting back to who i was long before the fear and the doubt crept into my thoughts. before i realized that other people had an opinion. and started worrying about it. getting back to what i really l love. just because i do. that is who i really am. at my core. the me before this big world had a chance to influence my thinking.

so as i move forward on this journey to the finding of me, i have replaced this death-grip on control with trust. knowing + believing that i am right where i need to be. when one door closes, i trust that i am meant to walk through a different door. i stopped fighting my life so much and started living it. being present in it. trusting in the flow + energy that i am putting into the world. and relaxing into my true self again. the one that believes wholeheartedly that amazing things can happen. no doubts. no fears. no worries about what anyone else thinks. that is when i can really start living. for me. again. i am now free to be me. the girl with the big dreams. and the unwavering belief that great things will happen. to me. and you. why shouldn’t they?

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