hesitant

hesitant. i’ve been hesitant to post here lately. because i am a bit confused about the direction of this blog. i have things i want to say. photos i want to share. thoughts that keep jumping around inside of my head. but before i just go with my gut and post them, i hesitate. then i stop. unsure. questioning myself. second guessing everything. am i posting too many photos of the boys? why would i post food photos when this isn’t a “food photography” blog? {even though i love food and have been wanting to take food photos for such a long time.} is that post too short and silly? did i write way too much for this post? do i sound preachy? or just open + honest? do i share stories from my everyday life? or must i only post about my “deeper” inner self?

so the photos of my life + the stories that live inside of these images remain unwritten. then time passes and they no longer seem relevant. my hesitation now turns into what appears to be laziness or being too busy on my part.  as i question if anyone would want to read my words or look at my images, time marches right past me. and this indecision makes the decision for me. no images. no words. nothing.

i’ve been living with these crazy thoughts. and they keep bobbing around in my head. desperately needing to be answered. and the sound of all of these questions is unbearably loud now. i needed to find answers. and make a decision.

so i told mark that i needed to take some time to think about these questions. to find the right answer to what direction i should go in with this blog.  his response was like a flashlight shining on the path that i knew i should be on with all of this. he told me that when i first started this blog i told him i wanted it to be just for me. a place to write whatever i wanted to write about. to post photos that i love. to say whatever i felt without any worries about what anyone would think. if a few people here and there wanted to keep reading and were somehow inspired or thought about things a little different, then that was wonderful. if no one ever read a single word, then that would be fine too.

writing down my thoughts and posting images that i love is a true reflection of the real me. the authentic me who is going to stay true to myself without trying to do or say what i think i “should.” mark said to post whatever i wanted to write about. he said that the number of images i wanted to share was the exact right amount to post. he said not to worry about anything except what i want to do. and say. and write. because that is the real me.

the right answers was there inside of me all along. i know what is best for me. but sometimes i lose sight of myself. it was such a gift that mark gave back to me. the space to be just me. right here on my blog.

and the charm in the photo above? i just found it a few days ago. i bought while traveling about eight years ago. it has been tucked away in a drawer. how ironic that it found it’s way into my hands right now…

this above all: to thine own self be true. there is no better you than the real you.

show hide 11 comments

Angie - Thank you for this, for being you, for being real.

Fred - Great post… reminds me of a quote from Self-Reliance… “Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you say today.”

Brenda - Keep posting you – that you has spoken to my heart.

stacy - This could not have been better timed! I originally started my blog because people wanted to follow our journey to our daughter in China. I figured I would quit writing when we came home but then felt the itch to just continue with it. I love re-reading over my posts, looking back and reliving moments, events, feelings. I hope that I will always have access to blogspot to continue to look back on our history. I recently “changed paths” with it and made it more about our family than just Cadence and wanted it to more of a journal for me than anyone else. I was thinking about what I wanted to post and felt, that happened a month ago, it would be silly to post it now… but I want to remember it! And the blog is for me… no one else. If someone else enjoys it, great! But if I’m the only person looking at it, so be it, because it’s for me! So, keep posting what feels right to you in your journey of life!
Stacy
P.S. I have a necklace with the same saying!

Wendy T. - I could read your words and look at your images all day! I love how real you are. You never come off as complaining or whining, but as someone asking questions and looking for answers. I could take a lesson from that :)

stacey - I loved this post. Thank you for your honesty and for being real.

Jill VZ - Beautiful words Tracy — thanks for being so real!!! Thanks for sharing a part of you!

Launa - Perfect! Just be you…..that is who I want to get to know. ;)

Stacey S - A wonderful, beautiful, and honest post. (And I’m with you about food photography.) ;)

amie hansen - mark is so right, so great that he is by your side and you have his support.. love your words and remain honest and true. that is when you shine!!

Faye - This is so relevant to me, thanks so much for being so raw, so open and honest. LOVE every word :)

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